Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A Bittersweet Milestone

My girl had her six month check-up yesterday.

She is doing great.
16 1/2 pounds
25 3/4 inches

I started this blog in the summer of 2007
mostly to keep my Mom updated on our family's
life 3,000 miles away from her in Vegas.

She looked forward to these updates and I know she checked
the blog constantly for what she called her
"DBP" or "daily baby pics"

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When she fell ill three years ago
and needed a heart valve replacement
I immediately began to think about moving
back East to be closer to her.

The years I was in the desert I came back twice a year
and we spoke on the phone about every other day
but that was not enough for me.

We moved back a month after Ella was born.

Mom was over the moon with excitement
to be a mere few hours away
from James and her "Lulu" as she called Ella.

In the months since moving back
we visited almost every month
and for a week in November I brought her
and my sister down to Connecticut to watch the kids
while I went off on a work trip.

I am so thankful that she had that time with them.

Now that she is gone
these little milestones are bittersweet for me.
I love that my children are thriving, healthy and content.

And I know I shouldn't be sad
that she can't see them in person,
or check in on the blog for her "DBP"
especially since I know she can check in on them
whenever she wants
from her special place in Heaven.

But I am a little sad, still.

And I guess I will be for a while--perhaps always.


Regina Heater said...

I think your mom would love that you are continuing the tradition, and in doing that, reaching out to friends and loved ones who love you. And I think it's really, really OK to be sad when you do these updates. You might be a little sad always, but in time you'll also appreciate just simply having the record of their lives, which I think is something your mother, with her appreciation of heritage would simply love.

Love ya, friend. You're doing good.

Liz said...

It is bittersweet and I wish I had something deep to respond with but all I can think about is those chubby, squooshy thighs on your girl!!! Delicious!

Allison said...

Thank you Reg. You are such a rock.

Liz, did I tell you that the other day Chris told me that Ella has my thighs? N I C E. I mean, they are darn cute on a 6 month old, but not on me!!!

Kim said...

It's hard not to feel bittersweet - all part of the process.

I can't get over how red Ella's hair looks in those pictures!

Stephanie said...

Of course you still feel sad. :(

Someday your children will be able to read all that you've written about your Mom and it will be a great treasure for them.


p.s. and that baby girl of yours is so darling. (my daughter has my thighs, too.) :)

blackbird said...

Oh...I just want to put my arm around you.
I know, from experience, that you will always be a little sad - but it won't hurt as time.
That's the "grace of time" and I know you'll feel it eventually.

Gini said...

I am surprised that you have written that you know you shouldn't be sad. How can you not? My foster/adopt class last night was all about loss. And the ability to recognize that. In the instance of fostering - every one is a loser. In your instance, not only have your children lost, you have, friendships have been lost, a daughter, a wife..and so on and so forth. Death tests your faith, and I am pretty sure that if one has faith, after your initial mourning period has passed - reality of the moment sets in - bittersweetness is replaced by thankfulness.

Allison said...

I just meant that I shouldn't be sad that she can't check in on the blog anymore, or get her daily baby pics via e-mail--because she doesn't have to--she can just check in on us whenever she wants. :-)