My First Holiday Breakdown

I usually take great care and time putting together our holiday cards. I send out a million of them, and can't quite seem to take people off of my list that I haven't heard from in YEARS. Sigh. Oh well. The problem this year? Well, take a look at the photo above. That is basically how I feel.

With a Thanksgiving two-week vacation, a huge holiday party December 1st (OK, friends out there--why didn't you call me and tell me I am NUTS??!!!) plus a week in PA for work, left me with NO TIME to put our cards together.

On Saturday Chris says to me--"Are we doing cards this year?" CRAP, I thought. It hadn't even crossed my mind. Add to THAT a recent post by my SIL about her trying to take her kids' photo for their holiday card (OK, really, the one with Garrin howling is awesome), and now I am in a true panic.

So, I quickly pull together a little photo shoot for James last night. You know, I dig out the black velvet suit jacket that Gini gave me, some black dress shoes that my friend Melissa gave me, a red velvet bow tie (now where I got that is a TRUE insider story), get James dressed up, strategically place some poinsettias around my tree, plop him down and start shooting. To my sheer amazement, just about EVERY photo I took is fantastic. No-really.

So I call Chris and ask him to stop and get me some photo cards that are in a vertical orientation. Do they have them? (It's me we are talking about, right?) NO. Of course not. So Chris gets the ones that need a horizontal photo. He brings them home and I try every graphic design trick in the book to make the one, truly BEST-EVER photo of my little boy work--but to no avail.

Now I am getting slightly irritated. I am running out of time, and since it takes an average of 10 days for any mail to get to Maine, I am feeling totally pressured.

It just so happens that we got a lovely card from our friends Kim and Gary. One of those 4" x 8" vertical photos that you can have printed at Walgreens. What the heck, I think. I'll try it, I think. I go online, pick the design I like, plop my photo in, add a message, and I am done. The website tells me they will be done at lunchtime the next day.

I am so psyched to pick them up. I blast over there at lunch today. I stand in line for what seems like an hour before it is my turn to be waited on at the photo center. The sour-faced lady behind the counter says "Why yes, ma'am, how can I help you?" Wait a minute--no, that is in my dream world. What she actually said was "Mmmm??" while looking at me over her OMG Stacey-London-would-call-you-a-total-fashion-disaster-glasses.

Now I am getting perturbed. "Yes," I say. "I am here to pick up my photo order." "NAME?" she barks at me. Now I am pissed, and of course I know she won't get my name right and I will have to spell it for her like fifty times. "Lantieri," I say. And then I spell it like fifty times for her.

"We don't have an order under that name" she says.

"Yes you do" I quip. "I have the e-mail notification that says you do. It also says that my order will be ready at noon today." God I am feeling like a little miss smarty pants. I start waving my piece of paper in front of her.

"I'll look again, but we don't have an order for you." She pretends to look. Again she can't find it. Finally she decides that she will indeed look at my printed receipt. I hand it to her with what is likely the most smug and self-satisfied look I have ever had on my face. And now she is mad because she is looking like a complete LOSER in front of all of the people behind me in line.

She looks at the receipt, and then she looks at me. "Well," she says "If this was Walgreens we would have your order." I look at her and my smart-ass look is starting to fade away. Now I say to her in a very little voice, "Well, where am I?"

She smiles ever so nastily . . . "CVS."

Anyhow. Enjoy your stinkin' holiday cards. I'm not sending out any next year. BAH HUMBUG.

OK, just kidding. You know I am a holiday card addict. I just finished licking 62 envelopes!